In the neverending quest for balance in one's life, one tends to forget on whom they step in order to get to that existential plane of peace. In my case, I stepped on my best friend. I can honestly say that I don't regret that particular friend-smooshing session. She was the one person that I could love and loathe at the same time. She knew me better than anyone else, and I knew her better than anyone else. Here's the thing : she was a taker. I believe that balanced relationships are NOT 50:50. I believe they are 100:100. You put 100% of yourself into that relationship, give all that you have, and the relationship will work being centered on Christ. She did nothing of the sort.
Jane- we'll call her- and I have known each other for sixteen years. Her mother taught my four-year-old preschool class, in which her brother attended also. We didn't actually become friends until she was in the 2nd grade, and I in the 1st.
I could never quite figure out why I remembered this instant in time, but then I realized that this was the point where she and I started to become little buddies. As I said before, we attended daycare together, and later afterschool care in the same program. One afternoon, Miss Sam came to pick us up at school in the daycare van. I got in the van first, and Jane came in behind me. She passed my seat and paused, I said coldly "Don't sit by me!!". This was refuted and made to be apologized for my Mrs. Sam. So I did, I felt bad, we talked, and had been talking ever since.
Okay, lemme 'splain. This girl was no ordinary friend. She was the taker. I was the one with emotional stability, she was the one with issues (none of which had anything to do with me). I was the one with patience, she was the one that liked to blame every hardship she went through on something other than herself. I was comfortable with other people, she would ostrasize herself and then whine that no one payed attention to her and that she didn't fit in. She was ostensibly deffensive and mean to people because somewhere along the line someone was mean to her and after a while she believed them, thus leading to her covering up her insecurities by pointing them out in other people. All of her issues were internal. She never talked about them, never even let the therapist "in" to help solve her problems. Now that you have a clear picture of the kind of things I went through for fifteen years, let me tell you the REAL problem. The core of it is that she has no respect for herself. That's why she's mean to people, that's why she's still mooching off her parents, that's why therapy never helped. I can't possibly make up someone's self-worth. One can't depend on other people to define who one is. Everytime she would go depressive on me, it would take a chunk of my heart. She took and took until there was nothing left to take.
To be continued....
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