Dear Gramma,
Around this time of year, when grass is getting greener but is still cool between my toes, when the Bradfords are blooming but the bees haven’t come out of hiding, when the skies are clear and the breeze is light – I think of you. I know that if you were still here on this Earth, living in your house, I would be over there this evening, maybe every evening knowing you and me. These are the days where I would go outside barefoot, leaving my shoes heaven-knows-where. These are the days I know we would be in the garden getting dirt under our fingernails. I know that you would have on a “light sweater” and I’d have no jacket. You would not approve of my jacketlessness – you never did! I know that by now I would have begged to live with you and my Poppa, maybe a successful request. I also know that your name would have shortened from “Gramma” to “Gram” – for me at least. I know that we would have to go see movies together, go for walks on the greenway with my girl cousins, talk about my man, talk about your man, about God and things above, talk about my career, and what I miss most of all, I know I’d hear your input and encouragement. I know that tea parties would not be a thing of the past – that we as Gram and granddaughter would sit down for long talks over tea in every season wearing whatever clothes we had on. I know that every once in a while, “the girls” would pile up and watch old movies together, savoring the company more than the plot. I know that you would finally have shown me the secret to your bread, spaghett’, macaroni n cheese, and your cookies (because I would have pestered you to death for them!). And even though I’m a grown woman and you’d be an aged Gram, we’d still have a “special day” for just you and me.
I also know that the Magnolia tree would still get a “hello” and an occasional visit from its favorite occupant – me. The tire swing would sway in the breeze awaiting the next visit from the great-grandkids, whose pictures be posted on the refrigerator till there was no surface left. The “thoughtful spot” under the leaning cedar would have scattered around it thoughts many and words few. The hammock would never want for company and the trees above would never want for on-lookers. The concrete table would have heard many a discussion by many a Goodwill, almost always accompanied by a cup of coffee.
I remember so much and I expect that if you were here it would not have changed much at all. I miss those times and I miss your company. Gramma, there’s so much I want to tell you. I want to tell you about what is happening in my life, about my man and my studies in The Word, how I’ve grown as a person, how the people in our lives are doing…I miss you everyday. It’s not normal, a granddaughter missing her Gramma this much this often. I pray that I end up one-third of the woman you were and still are in my heart, then I feel my life will have been a success. I’ve told many people this and I still believe it to be absolutely true – I am pretty sure I could not function without grandparents. Your place in my heart and in my life is concrete, irreplaceable, lovely, and cherished. There have been many people in my life that do many of the things that you did – inspire me, welcome me, feed me, teach me, listen to me, enjoy me – all things you did so well and so often. Although it takes many people to fill that one multi-faceted role you had, I do not lack and never have. I feel like you prepared me well for life, even if I was a little spoiled. The cavernous hole in my heart after you went Home has been filled to overflowing with experience and knowledge that would not have come without your passing.
I am thankful for everything you gave me, everything you imparted. And despite what it has felt like to finally arrive at this place of acceptance, I am most thankful that you now see life as it is meant to be – surrounded by and ever existing in God’s glory, the very Presence of the Living God. I praise God for your life, for your legacy, and for His process of drawing glory from us even when we are at our worst. To God be the Glory for you, Jean Louise – now and forever.
Be seeing you,
Amanda
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Friday, December 7, 2007
Magnificent Equation
The question "Who Am I?" is a question that all mankind have asked. Period. I am not the only person to ask this question, at least that's what I have to keep telling myself. This is a question that only one being can answer. Your Creator. Just like we humans tend to immulate in music, the meaning of the piece can be interpreted in many different ways. The truest insight into the ebb and flow of the music can only be decided upon by its composer. And so to answer this question, I turn to The Composer and ask this. "Who is it that you want me to be? Dear Potter, what am I to look like in your eyes? What is the shape and attitude of this vessel?"
A friend of mine once said that when I am being who I am truely meant to be, those that are meant to be in my life will be there. Is that true of everything in my life? If I am truely being the designed vessel, wholly and purely, will my life be as it is meant to be BASED on that? Is my self-assurance in who I am IN CHRIST the fuel of my life? Is that truely the way to being in God's will?
I believe it is. It just makes sense. This is a magnificent equation. Just like with spiritual gifts, they first of all come naturally. When I am in Christ and in the Spirit, these natural gifts are infused with the Holy Spirit, giving them power. When my gifts are used correctly and powerfully, the glory is God's (whether I choose to acknowledge that fact or not) and just like Jacob, the gifts have a new name and a new purpose. They become Spiritual Gifts and their purpose is to point the giftee to God. The same is true of our personalities. From the time we are born, we perceive things a certain way, we develop traits, we have our own talents each is his/her own capacity - thus personality (our soul). When we are filled with The Spirit, our personality then becomes infused, our soul becomes infused. When we walk In Christ, without putting on heirs, without even trying, we are being used - if we dare to let The Spirit creep into our personalities!! - as living, breathing, vessels. Our souls then belong to Him. The recipient of the blessing that we can be as just ourselves is then pointed to the Most High, thus giving Him glory.
My question is that of my soul, my realness, my personality, me being me in Christ. Does my soul and its willingness to stay aligned with who The Potter would have me to be direct my path? Does that very thing fuel my existence, the ebb and flow of my life's harmonies, the people I meet, the choices I make?
I think that it does. Without me being me, I wouldn't go the places I go or have the job I do or make my choices the way I make them, have the friends I have, or even wear the clothes that I do. I never realized how much that mattered. If I truely desire a realness with God and a realness with people, I first have to embrace the gifts, talents, and personality that God gave me. For my steps to be ordered, I need direction. I'm not saying that I am my own direction, I'm saying that when I embrace who God has made me, my life will make sense and will flow. But I seek FIRST HIS righteousness. I seek, I desire, I want after what He wants. I search for who He is and who He wants me to be FIRST OF ALL, before anything else. Because how can I know who I am if I do not know whom I serve? He, the Maker of All Things, knows me. He knows who He wants me to be. Friends I am far from it, but I desire it. The best way to be as close to Him as possible (this side of heaven) is to just be me. It really all comes down to my willingness to be who I am intended to be instead who I wish I was.
The equation:
1. God created me with a specific purpose in mind, being born with all the tools I need (whether already there or set in motion to be there when I need them)
2. I seek God, My Creator
3. I realize the differences between me and all other people, in a world of cloned robots
4. I make the choice to seek God despite the world
5. I find myself living
6. I realize that by being myself, I point people to God because they see something of Him in me
7. the previous revelation ignites a deeper love for My Dear One, bringing me closer to Him (and the closer I am to The Light, the harder it is to hide my flaws, as with anything brought into light)
8. He shapes me and molds me, kneeding out the imperfections
9. I see new differences between me and the world, deeper differences
10. I make the choice to seek God, despite the weird looks from people
11. I find myself living
12. I realize, again, that this new depth is beautiful and affects people around me
13. The previous revelation ignites an indescribable joy and brings me to the Throne Room, into His glorious light!
...and so the cycle continues
it is a magnificent equation
Your takehome challenges from these thoughts:
This isn't an excuse. "Just being myself" is no reason to sit around and wait on things to happen. Life must be lived, not watched. The Good Lord gives us tools in being ourselves that we must pick up before they can be used. What good is a hammer if there is no hand to hold it? The honey-do list is long, but the hammerers are few, and I seriously doubt that "waiting on God" will get those things marked off that divine list. There are just some things you don't need to pray about. He gives you things to do, you can READ that list. Pick up your hammer and start swinging before He brings in a rookie to take that blessing when it should've been you! Being obedient is something that ALL His children should be doing, not just the naturally assertive.
And keep in mind that The Potter is always working you with His hand. If he sees that instead of a bowl, you should be a vase, then He will collapse the bowl-shape vessel and begin molding you into a vase (Jer. 18). He sees that, although you might be able to work as a bowl, you would be a magnificent vase. In order to get you there, He might have to mash you up and start all over. John 15 calls that "pruning". Pruning HURTS. But it's okay, because you will bear more fruit and do so more beautifully if you will trust The Gardener. The Rose from which you are measured is a tough standard to live up to, but we have an expert Gardener pruning and cutting away at us. Let Him uses his divine shears on you (The Word) to make you the best you can possibly be - for His sake.
A friend of mine once said that when I am being who I am truely meant to be, those that are meant to be in my life will be there. Is that true of everything in my life? If I am truely being the designed vessel, wholly and purely, will my life be as it is meant to be BASED on that? Is my self-assurance in who I am IN CHRIST the fuel of my life? Is that truely the way to being in God's will?
I believe it is. It just makes sense. This is a magnificent equation. Just like with spiritual gifts, they first of all come naturally. When I am in Christ and in the Spirit, these natural gifts are infused with the Holy Spirit, giving them power. When my gifts are used correctly and powerfully, the glory is God's (whether I choose to acknowledge that fact or not) and just like Jacob, the gifts have a new name and a new purpose. They become Spiritual Gifts and their purpose is to point the giftee to God. The same is true of our personalities. From the time we are born, we perceive things a certain way, we develop traits, we have our own talents each is his/her own capacity - thus personality (our soul). When we are filled with The Spirit, our personality then becomes infused, our soul becomes infused. When we walk In Christ, without putting on heirs, without even trying, we are being used - if we dare to let The Spirit creep into our personalities!! - as living, breathing, vessels. Our souls then belong to Him. The recipient of the blessing that we can be as just ourselves is then pointed to the Most High, thus giving Him glory.
My question is that of my soul, my realness, my personality, me being me in Christ. Does my soul and its willingness to stay aligned with who The Potter would have me to be direct my path? Does that very thing fuel my existence, the ebb and flow of my life's harmonies, the people I meet, the choices I make?
I think that it does. Without me being me, I wouldn't go the places I go or have the job I do or make my choices the way I make them, have the friends I have, or even wear the clothes that I do. I never realized how much that mattered. If I truely desire a realness with God and a realness with people, I first have to embrace the gifts, talents, and personality that God gave me. For my steps to be ordered, I need direction. I'm not saying that I am my own direction, I'm saying that when I embrace who God has made me, my life will make sense and will flow. But I seek FIRST HIS righteousness. I seek, I desire, I want after what He wants. I search for who He is and who He wants me to be FIRST OF ALL, before anything else. Because how can I know who I am if I do not know whom I serve? He, the Maker of All Things, knows me. He knows who He wants me to be. Friends I am far from it, but I desire it. The best way to be as close to Him as possible (this side of heaven) is to just be me. It really all comes down to my willingness to be who I am intended to be instead who I wish I was.
The equation:
1. God created me with a specific purpose in mind, being born with all the tools I need (whether already there or set in motion to be there when I need them)
2. I seek God, My Creator
3. I realize the differences between me and all other people, in a world of cloned robots
4. I make the choice to seek God despite the world
5. I find myself living
6. I realize that by being myself, I point people to God because they see something of Him in me
7. the previous revelation ignites a deeper love for My Dear One, bringing me closer to Him (and the closer I am to The Light, the harder it is to hide my flaws, as with anything brought into light)
8. He shapes me and molds me, kneeding out the imperfections
9. I see new differences between me and the world, deeper differences
10. I make the choice to seek God, despite the weird looks from people
11. I find myself living
12. I realize, again, that this new depth is beautiful and affects people around me
13. The previous revelation ignites an indescribable joy and brings me to the Throne Room, into His glorious light!
...and so the cycle continues
it is a magnificent equation
Your takehome challenges from these thoughts:
This isn't an excuse. "Just being myself" is no reason to sit around and wait on things to happen. Life must be lived, not watched. The Good Lord gives us tools in being ourselves that we must pick up before they can be used. What good is a hammer if there is no hand to hold it? The honey-do list is long, but the hammerers are few, and I seriously doubt that "waiting on God" will get those things marked off that divine list. There are just some things you don't need to pray about. He gives you things to do, you can READ that list. Pick up your hammer and start swinging before He brings in a rookie to take that blessing when it should've been you! Being obedient is something that ALL His children should be doing, not just the naturally assertive.
And keep in mind that The Potter is always working you with His hand. If he sees that instead of a bowl, you should be a vase, then He will collapse the bowl-shape vessel and begin molding you into a vase (Jer. 18). He sees that, although you might be able to work as a bowl, you would be a magnificent vase. In order to get you there, He might have to mash you up and start all over. John 15 calls that "pruning". Pruning HURTS. But it's okay, because you will bear more fruit and do so more beautifully if you will trust The Gardener. The Rose from which you are measured is a tough standard to live up to, but we have an expert Gardener pruning and cutting away at us. Let Him uses his divine shears on you (The Word) to make you the best you can possibly be - for His sake.
Monday, October 15, 2007
The Avenue
I'm doing a study of the Tabernacle as taught by Beth Moore. It's just amazing to me the things that God has been able to teach me out of that study. Absolutely unbelievable. As is true with most of the revelations that El Elyon bestows upon me, the more I talk about it, the more sense it makes to me (it's called verbal processing, or in this case graphic processing).
What I read this morning was in Exodus 30, where the bronze basin - between the altar and the tabernacle - is described. Now, that structure in itself is a whole other entity that could be written about, but that's not the biggest lesson I received. The bronze basin was used for the priests to cleanse themselves after a sacrifice before they entered the Holy of Holies to dwell with the Most High. If they did NOT clean their hands and feet, scripture says they would DIE. What else does The Word say about feet-washing?
In John 13, Jesus washed his disciples' feet. Peter told Jesus that He could NEVER wash his feet. To which Jesus replied, "If you do not let me do this, you will have no part with me,". What "no part with me" means is that Peter, (as well as believers in general) as co-heir with Jesus to The Kingdom will not have a part along with Him. To me, that points right back to the priests having to wash their feet in order to dwell with Jehovah behind the curtain. Jesus, through the washing of feet, enables the rest of the disciples to go then and wash others' feet. (Because how can you cleanse without being clean yourself?) Without that feeling of humility that comes when your feet are washed and consequently, clean feet, the disciples could not themselves wash others' feet.
My question is "Is servanthood the avenue to true fellowship?". Let's equate servanthood with feet-washing. Until I can find myself vulnerable enough, until I get on my knees, I cannot very well wash anyone's feet. I cannot serve as selflessly as I am meant to. When someone else comes along and washes my feet, humbles me in that capacity with that amount of care, whether a divine being or not, I simply cannot serve. My point is, that if I'm not serving, I'm not is a true of fellowship as I can be. I may be standing outside the curtain, but I may not enter. Paul says that faith without works is dead, just like I will be if I don't cleanse my feet - dead in my faith. "For the Son of Man did not come to this earth to be served, but to SERVE and to GIVE HIS LIFE AS A RANSOM FOR MANY." And in trying my best to be Christlike, in order to dwell in the Holy of Holies, I must, I desire to do the same. How can I say that I love my God if I do not love my brother? How can I love my brother, then? By kneeling at his feet and serving him just as my Jesus served me - in an act of humility.
What I read this morning was in Exodus 30, where the bronze basin - between the altar and the tabernacle - is described. Now, that structure in itself is a whole other entity that could be written about, but that's not the biggest lesson I received. The bronze basin was used for the priests to cleanse themselves after a sacrifice before they entered the Holy of Holies to dwell with the Most High. If they did NOT clean their hands and feet, scripture says they would DIE. What else does The Word say about feet-washing?
In John 13, Jesus washed his disciples' feet. Peter told Jesus that He could NEVER wash his feet. To which Jesus replied, "If you do not let me do this, you will have no part with me,". What "no part with me" means is that Peter, (as well as believers in general) as co-heir with Jesus to The Kingdom will not have a part along with Him. To me, that points right back to the priests having to wash their feet in order to dwell with Jehovah behind the curtain. Jesus, through the washing of feet, enables the rest of the disciples to go then and wash others' feet. (Because how can you cleanse without being clean yourself?) Without that feeling of humility that comes when your feet are washed and consequently, clean feet, the disciples could not themselves wash others' feet.
My question is "Is servanthood the avenue to true fellowship?". Let's equate servanthood with feet-washing. Until I can find myself vulnerable enough, until I get on my knees, I cannot very well wash anyone's feet. I cannot serve as selflessly as I am meant to. When someone else comes along and washes my feet, humbles me in that capacity with that amount of care, whether a divine being or not, I simply cannot serve. My point is, that if I'm not serving, I'm not is a true of fellowship as I can be. I may be standing outside the curtain, but I may not enter. Paul says that faith without works is dead, just like I will be if I don't cleanse my feet - dead in my faith. "For the Son of Man did not come to this earth to be served, but to SERVE and to GIVE HIS LIFE AS A RANSOM FOR MANY." And in trying my best to be Christlike, in order to dwell in the Holy of Holies, I must, I desire to do the same. How can I say that I love my God if I do not love my brother? How can I love my brother, then? By kneeling at his feet and serving him just as my Jesus served me - in an act of humility.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Blessed are the self-sufficient...
Yesterday, upon the news of another employee asking for resignation, the air was heavy with accusation. Not that this is an unusual thing for the atmosphere to feel like around here, but it was particularly palpable. I over-heard the CEO in conversation with my team leader. He told her, though this wasn't the reason for the afformentioned resignation, that the tensions between she and the senior accountant had to subside. His closing statement in that argument was that "God helps those who help themselves," to which my blood ran cold. I said under my breath that this "isn't in the Bible."
Ladies and Gents, it's the truth. That statement is nowhere in the Bible, and, infact, contradicts the very nature of faith in God. Scripture doesn't say "blessed are the self-sufficient for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."
The Enemy knows how to play to our weaknesses, yes. But He also knows how to play to our strengths. He knows how to get us where it really hurts - our pride. I know that I have weaknesses in my walk and strengths. The danger that Satan likes to throw at our strengths is the idea that we can do it on our own - the idea that we don't NEED God in order to do that which we are gifted to do. How many times God has looked on us in our unresponsiveness, asking "Do you not know me??".
If you look in your heart and find that is true in your life, than the very blood that covers your stains is in VAIN. I know that God can take ANYTHING and use it for His good, pleasing, and perfect will. For sure, if you're out of God's will by ignoring humility you will not receive the blessing for that which could have been accomplished through you in His name.
In Exodus, and hopefully you know the story, the Isralites wandered the desert. God kept very close to them throughout this whole experience. He commanded a temple to be built for Him to dwell because he WANTED to dwell among them, He came down visibly to be with them (in the pillar of fire and in the cloud) to lead and protect them simultaneously, He met with Moses presence to presence in the temple of meeting and "spoke with him as a man does his friend." [Exodus 33:11] After Moses came down from the mountain at the end of His time with God, God asked him to go back down to his people because they were worshipping false idols, no thanks to Aaron. Moses was devastated and pled on behalf of God's children for forgiveness. God told Moses that He would give them to the promised land, an angel of the Lord would lead them there, they would have food and nourishment, but HE, the Great I AM would not be going with them. The Presence of God would not be going with them. Moses fell on his face and begged the Almighty to go with them in lue of His promises to the forefathers. Do you see what I'm getting at? The way was paved. They would have protection and food and would be victorious over their enemies. That meant nothing to Moses if He couldn't be with God. He's basically saying "I don't care about that right now! I just want YOU!!". Honestly, I'm SO GLAD Moses knew he couldn't do it on his own. How sweet it is the be In The Presence! In Exodus 33, Moses had an intimate encounter with the Living God face to face BEFORE there was access to God through prayer. That Presence meant more to Moses than food, protection, or land.
Today, don't let your pride keep you from a full communion with the God that gave you all your talent. Recognize today that your abilities are not your own, but God's. You may have blessings when you are self-sufficient, but you will for SURE be without The Presence. If anyone had reason to be proud, it would've been Moses - leading an ENTIRE nation and being chose by I AM would do that to someone...and even he sought God's Presence above all else.
Will you forsake The Presence for meaningless recognition and pride for gifts that are not yours to begin with?
Ladies and Gents, it's the truth. That statement is nowhere in the Bible, and, infact, contradicts the very nature of faith in God. Scripture doesn't say "blessed are the self-sufficient for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."
The Enemy knows how to play to our weaknesses, yes. But He also knows how to play to our strengths. He knows how to get us where it really hurts - our pride. I know that I have weaknesses in my walk and strengths. The danger that Satan likes to throw at our strengths is the idea that we can do it on our own - the idea that we don't NEED God in order to do that which we are gifted to do. How many times God has looked on us in our unresponsiveness, asking "Do you not know me??".
If you look in your heart and find that is true in your life, than the very blood that covers your stains is in VAIN. I know that God can take ANYTHING and use it for His good, pleasing, and perfect will. For sure, if you're out of God's will by ignoring humility you will not receive the blessing for that which could have been accomplished through you in His name.
In Exodus, and hopefully you know the story, the Isralites wandered the desert. God kept very close to them throughout this whole experience. He commanded a temple to be built for Him to dwell because he WANTED to dwell among them, He came down visibly to be with them (in the pillar of fire and in the cloud) to lead and protect them simultaneously, He met with Moses presence to presence in the temple of meeting and "spoke with him as a man does his friend." [Exodus 33:11] After Moses came down from the mountain at the end of His time with God, God asked him to go back down to his people because they were worshipping false idols, no thanks to Aaron. Moses was devastated and pled on behalf of God's children for forgiveness. God told Moses that He would give them to the promised land, an angel of the Lord would lead them there, they would have food and nourishment, but HE, the Great I AM would not be going with them. The Presence of God would not be going with them. Moses fell on his face and begged the Almighty to go with them in lue of His promises to the forefathers. Do you see what I'm getting at? The way was paved. They would have protection and food and would be victorious over their enemies. That meant nothing to Moses if He couldn't be with God. He's basically saying "I don't care about that right now! I just want YOU!!". Honestly, I'm SO GLAD Moses knew he couldn't do it on his own. How sweet it is the be In The Presence! In Exodus 33, Moses had an intimate encounter with the Living God face to face BEFORE there was access to God through prayer. That Presence meant more to Moses than food, protection, or land.
Today, don't let your pride keep you from a full communion with the God that gave you all your talent. Recognize today that your abilities are not your own, but God's. You may have blessings when you are self-sufficient, but you will for SURE be without The Presence. If anyone had reason to be proud, it would've been Moses - leading an ENTIRE nation and being chose by I AM would do that to someone...and even he sought God's Presence above all else.
Will you forsake The Presence for meaningless recognition and pride for gifts that are not yours to begin with?
Monday, August 27, 2007
To Rock or Not to Rock?....
I feel like all my blogs are about relationships. So here's one about NOT relationships.
Lately, I've been thinking about something. Well, I think about a lot of things a lot of the time, but this is just one of the many subjects that run across that particular interstate of thought. "Garbage in - Garbage out"....Rubbish.
That phrase, "Garbage in - Garbage out" isn't Biblical. That phrase is found nowhere in scripture. Period. The Bible DOES say "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Now, you ask, what does this have to do with anything? WELL, this whole thought process was evoked by a conversation I had recently. Let me preface this by saying that I don't believe in being a stumbling block. I believe what I believe, I am fully convinced of it, and am prepared to defend that before the Lord God one day. This other person, I'm sure, feels the same. I just happen to disagree on this particular point and I think nothing less of that other person because of their views. (That's just something I feel the need to say everytime I disagree with someone.) I'm not about to break out the Metallica when this person is in my home, and I'm sure that this person wouldn't push the Amy Grant CD's when I'm in his/her home.
SO, back to the subject, garbage and all that. This conversation was in reference to secular music. The idea behind the phrase is that if one listens to music that isn't praise music, it is a sin and soon enough whatever that song is portraying that isn't holy will come spewing out of my impressionable mouth. I disagree. And here's why:
1) "Garbage in - garbage out" isn't scriptural, therefore I'm not really inclined to take it as gospel.
2) The Bible says, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks", which to me means that if I take those "sinful" lyrics and write them on my heart as gospel truth, then yea, they will flow like water from my mouth. Being strong in my faith, I know better. Those that are mentors to Christians younger in the faith, be careful then how live. Not as fools but as wise, making the most of every opportunity for doing good and trying to understand what the Lord would have you to do in this case. Some are more impressionable than others.
3)I believe that music, in any form, is art. I believe that we serve a creative God that would have us to enjoy each other's creations. Enjoying Mike Portnoy's talent as a drummer and lyricist is pleasing to God. If I strive in my life to worship the Almighty, then I will take the risk of looking unholy to other people to enjoy the talents of a fellow human, who is just as flawed and imperfect as the next "holier than thou".
4) How will we know how to reach out to the world if we do not even speak the same language as the world? Music is the pulse of this generation. To me, listening to music outside of your local Jesus-tunes radio makes you a well-rounded person, able to relate with the meek and the weary and meet them where they are instead of expecting them to come up to your level. Example: Jesus's first miracle was to turn water into wine. Wine, in the wrong hands, can be a volitile substance - quite dangerous when either A: one gets drunk on it or B: you light it on fire. Knowing Jesus like I do, I don't think he would have done either of those. I think he would have been sensible with the whole ordeal. He didn't expect the people at that wedding to not get drunk just because he wouldn't, but at the same time, he himself turned that nice safe water into risky yet ceremonial wine. Same thing with music. It can be dangerous, depending on the condition of one's heart. Just don't expect the people around you to do the same thing you do and don't make people feel stupid for understanding something differently than you.
As with any opinion, The Lord, in His Mighty Complexity, reveals himself to people in many many different ways. If he has put on your heart to listen to Michael W Smith till you die, go for it. The Lord has released me to listen to "Secular" music because he knows my heart and knows that I appreciate the art side of it all - which is good, because I can't stand Michael W Smith. I am also not mentoring any young, actually impressionable hearts, in which case is another reason I am released from the burden of crappy Christian pop.
Food for thought.
Lately, I've been thinking about something. Well, I think about a lot of things a lot of the time, but this is just one of the many subjects that run across that particular interstate of thought. "Garbage in - Garbage out"....Rubbish.
That phrase, "Garbage in - Garbage out" isn't Biblical. That phrase is found nowhere in scripture. Period. The Bible DOES say "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Now, you ask, what does this have to do with anything? WELL, this whole thought process was evoked by a conversation I had recently. Let me preface this by saying that I don't believe in being a stumbling block. I believe what I believe, I am fully convinced of it, and am prepared to defend that before the Lord God one day. This other person, I'm sure, feels the same. I just happen to disagree on this particular point and I think nothing less of that other person because of their views. (That's just something I feel the need to say everytime I disagree with someone.) I'm not about to break out the Metallica when this person is in my home, and I'm sure that this person wouldn't push the Amy Grant CD's when I'm in his/her home.
SO, back to the subject, garbage and all that. This conversation was in reference to secular music. The idea behind the phrase is that if one listens to music that isn't praise music, it is a sin and soon enough whatever that song is portraying that isn't holy will come spewing out of my impressionable mouth. I disagree. And here's why:
1) "Garbage in - garbage out" isn't scriptural, therefore I'm not really inclined to take it as gospel.
2) The Bible says, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks", which to me means that if I take those "sinful" lyrics and write them on my heart as gospel truth, then yea, they will flow like water from my mouth. Being strong in my faith, I know better. Those that are mentors to Christians younger in the faith, be careful then how live. Not as fools but as wise, making the most of every opportunity for doing good and trying to understand what the Lord would have you to do in this case. Some are more impressionable than others.
3)I believe that music, in any form, is art. I believe that we serve a creative God that would have us to enjoy each other's creations. Enjoying Mike Portnoy's talent as a drummer and lyricist is pleasing to God. If I strive in my life to worship the Almighty, then I will take the risk of looking unholy to other people to enjoy the talents of a fellow human, who is just as flawed and imperfect as the next "holier than thou".
4) How will we know how to reach out to the world if we do not even speak the same language as the world? Music is the pulse of this generation. To me, listening to music outside of your local Jesus-tunes radio makes you a well-rounded person, able to relate with the meek and the weary and meet them where they are instead of expecting them to come up to your level. Example: Jesus's first miracle was to turn water into wine. Wine, in the wrong hands, can be a volitile substance - quite dangerous when either A: one gets drunk on it or B: you light it on fire. Knowing Jesus like I do, I don't think he would have done either of those. I think he would have been sensible with the whole ordeal. He didn't expect the people at that wedding to not get drunk just because he wouldn't, but at the same time, he himself turned that nice safe water into risky yet ceremonial wine. Same thing with music. It can be dangerous, depending on the condition of one's heart. Just don't expect the people around you to do the same thing you do and don't make people feel stupid for understanding something differently than you.
As with any opinion, The Lord, in His Mighty Complexity, reveals himself to people in many many different ways. If he has put on your heart to listen to Michael W Smith till you die, go for it. The Lord has released me to listen to "Secular" music because he knows my heart and knows that I appreciate the art side of it all - which is good, because I can't stand Michael W Smith. I am also not mentoring any young, actually impressionable hearts, in which case is another reason I am released from the burden of crappy Christian pop.
Food for thought.
Friday, August 3, 2007
The Relationship Rant - Epilogue - Thorough Holiness
I believe that every woman needs another best girlfriend in her life. She needs someone to vent to, someone to share her joys and pains, someone that's going to challenge her to live better, and someone to go the bathroom with her in public places - in short a companion. Something you, as the reader, have to understand about the relationship with Jane is that only thing she really did in that list of things was share in my pain once and we would always go to the bathroom together. Whenever I would have something happen to me that was awful, I would try to tell her. Somehow, she would always think of something like, "You think THAT'S bad, well let me tell you what happened to ME..." Whenever something good happened, it was like, "Well at least SOMEONE had a good day...I'm tired.." And I can't even remember the last time Jane and I had a spiritual discussion. After our relationship ended, I deleted her from my friends, took her number out of my phone, and deleted her email address. I took this seriously. The only thing left was to find someone to fill that very large void in my heart to help it heal.
Jess and I met through Cody. While I was away at Carson-Newman, I lost contact with Cody. (He was dating a girl really seriously at the time, I wasn't comfortable with it, so I didn't call him because once I interrupted them "watching a movie".) In the meantime, Cody and movie-girl broke up and Jess and Cody became best friends during that year. He found me in January of '06 on MySpace. I'm not sure he realized how much I missed him. I wanted to hang out with him immediately and catch up. The more we hung out, the more I kept hearing about this Jess. So, one day Cody and Jess and I met to eat at Angelo's, which is this brazenly mediocre BBQ place that Cody loves. I was excited for two reasons: meeting someone that could mean so much to Cody - he's a really good judge of character; also: I was sure we'd have at least a few things in common personality-wise if we could both put up with HIM.
He brought Jess in with him, she sat down next to him, and immediately there was a connection - something that bound us instantly - we both loved to make fun of Cody. So we did...a lot. He was tag teamed and he didn't like it, but he dealt. Later on, he told me that he didn't expect us to hit if off so well - which I didn't understand...because it takes a special kind of person to put up with him for any length of time so we were SURE to get along.
As time went on, the more Cody and I hung out, the more I saw Jess. The more I hung out with Jess, the more I realized that we had a lot more than Cody in common.
The defining moment in our relationship, and really the beginning of it, came one night when the three of us were at Cody's. He decided that we needed some pizza, so he left us poor females at his house while he went and bought one. She and I started talking about the possibility of him moving to Texas (a whole 'nother blog in itself). She began to cry and just pour her heart out to me about it. I really did understand how she felt, she let me express myself and we cried together. And then, somehow the conversation changed (because for some reason we both felt better after a little cry). I don't really remember why, but I'm sure the stories ensued and before you know it, we're both dancing like monkeys around the house. I just remember that we were laughing a lot and things were never the same between us after that. I remember thinking to myself - "THIS is what a relationship should be. We talked to each other, comforted each other, and now we're both being dorks and dancing all over this house like mad-women. And do we care what we look like to each other? Not a bit. We're just being ourselves - and that's fine with me!"
The more I'm with her, the more I see what I was missing in past relationships. Jess challenges me to be more Christ-like - not just in conversation, but by example. She shares my joy, she shares my pain. She does her best to come to the YMCA with me every morning to workout - which really means a lot to me, considering how much of a night-owl she is. I can tell her anything, she can tell me anything. She makes me laugh, and on occasion has made me cry - but in a good way. Her prerogative in our relationship is to please the Lord, not to gain attention or seek stability - that blesses me to my very core. And I have to say I'm surprised at how much someone letting you love them can heal a wounded heart. I still pray for Jane, I still love her, but right now, I'm focused on what God wants. Jess is helping me get there, which is something Jane never even talked about. Slowly, but surely, my heart is healing because of this friendship God has placed in my life.
I know that He isn't finished with my heart. He's still changing me - still molding me into the woman I am to become. And I know that along the way, in that never-ending quest for balance, some might get hurt. But that's okay. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and look for that little Godsend that will get you through. My Godsend's name is Jess and I know I'll be okay as long as she's around.
Jess and I met through Cody. While I was away at Carson-Newman, I lost contact with Cody. (He was dating a girl really seriously at the time, I wasn't comfortable with it, so I didn't call him because once I interrupted them "watching a movie".) In the meantime, Cody and movie-girl broke up and Jess and Cody became best friends during that year. He found me in January of '06 on MySpace. I'm not sure he realized how much I missed him. I wanted to hang out with him immediately and catch up. The more we hung out, the more I kept hearing about this Jess. So, one day Cody and Jess and I met to eat at Angelo's, which is this brazenly mediocre BBQ place that Cody loves. I was excited for two reasons: meeting someone that could mean so much to Cody - he's a really good judge of character; also: I was sure we'd have at least a few things in common personality-wise if we could both put up with HIM.
He brought Jess in with him, she sat down next to him, and immediately there was a connection - something that bound us instantly - we both loved to make fun of Cody. So we did...a lot. He was tag teamed and he didn't like it, but he dealt. Later on, he told me that he didn't expect us to hit if off so well - which I didn't understand...because it takes a special kind of person to put up with him for any length of time so we were SURE to get along.
As time went on, the more Cody and I hung out, the more I saw Jess. The more I hung out with Jess, the more I realized that we had a lot more than Cody in common.
The defining moment in our relationship, and really the beginning of it, came one night when the three of us were at Cody's. He decided that we needed some pizza, so he left us poor females at his house while he went and bought one. She and I started talking about the possibility of him moving to Texas (a whole 'nother blog in itself). She began to cry and just pour her heart out to me about it. I really did understand how she felt, she let me express myself and we cried together. And then, somehow the conversation changed (because for some reason we both felt better after a little cry). I don't really remember why, but I'm sure the stories ensued and before you know it, we're both dancing like monkeys around the house. I just remember that we were laughing a lot and things were never the same between us after that. I remember thinking to myself - "THIS is what a relationship should be. We talked to each other, comforted each other, and now we're both being dorks and dancing all over this house like mad-women. And do we care what we look like to each other? Not a bit. We're just being ourselves - and that's fine with me!"
The more I'm with her, the more I see what I was missing in past relationships. Jess challenges me to be more Christ-like - not just in conversation, but by example. She shares my joy, she shares my pain. She does her best to come to the YMCA with me every morning to workout - which really means a lot to me, considering how much of a night-owl she is. I can tell her anything, she can tell me anything. She makes me laugh, and on occasion has made me cry - but in a good way. Her prerogative in our relationship is to please the Lord, not to gain attention or seek stability - that blesses me to my very core. And I have to say I'm surprised at how much someone letting you love them can heal a wounded heart. I still pray for Jane, I still love her, but right now, I'm focused on what God wants. Jess is helping me get there, which is something Jane never even talked about. Slowly, but surely, my heart is healing because of this friendship God has placed in my life.
I know that He isn't finished with my heart. He's still changing me - still molding me into the woman I am to become. And I know that along the way, in that never-ending quest for balance, some might get hurt. But that's okay. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and look for that little Godsend that will get you through. My Godsend's name is Jess and I know I'll be okay as long as she's around.
The Relationship Rant (Vol. 3)
Although I had prayed and prayed about what to do with this broken relationship, the last blow-up being no help, I had no idea how to really tell her how I felt. I didn't know how to end this relationship and prayed that God would handle it.
So the day this whole telling-offage occurred, I was pissed to say the least. My status on facebook read: "Amanda is pissed. You don't even want to get married! But go ahead, blame every hardship you go through on me. Just don't expect me to go to the pity party." Now, me personally, I vented and forgot about it. That is what I use blogs/status for. I vent, I'm a woman, that needs to happen unless my friends just ENJOY getting beat over the head with my emotions the moment I feel them. Like I said, I had forgotten about writing that, to be honest. I felt better and could focus on other things. By the end of the day, I had a message from Jane. The message read "Don't worry, you weren't invited [to the pity party] anyway. And while you're at it, why don't you go back to Carson-Newman and find your braincells. This is over - adios." (To explain: Carson-Newman is where I went to school my freshman year of college.)
And so the opportunity arises. Jane, being so sensitive, took my status seriously. Now was my chance to really tell her how I felt. I wrote her back, told her she was pretty much right, let's step back, reevaluate, and pray about where God would take us next. I communicated with her that I was going to take this seriously, I expected her to do the same. I told her I would always love her and always pray for her, we would just be casual friends. She responded and was surprised, I think. I don't think she was ready for me not to bend over backwards with apologies.
The more I prayed about it, the more I talked about this whole thing with Cody, the more I feel like the Lord led me to this place for a reason. Jane is free to let go. She is not dependant on me for her identity, in whatever way our relationship was crippling my walk with God that reason no longer exists, and I think both of us are better now because of it. I do not plan on mending that relationship, because I feel that we were divinely separated; that this is what God wants for our lives.
If you're reading: I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry if I seemed cold. Those days of laying on my bed talking about everything and anything weren't wasted, I promise. Those tea parties with Hannah meant the world to me. Your kindness and concern were greatly appreciated when Gramma died. I really did love those cucumber sandwiches, I love your grandparents, I still love your parents and will always think of them as my "other mom and dad". I miss the companionship we had. I knew that you were a staple in my life. You were always beside me. Thank you for 15 years of friendship. I pray the best for you and I hope your life takes you to a beautiful place. I know you'll be okay, even if it takes time.
So the day this whole telling-offage occurred, I was pissed to say the least. My status on facebook read: "Amanda is pissed. You don't even want to get married! But go ahead, blame every hardship you go through on me. Just don't expect me to go to the pity party." Now, me personally, I vented and forgot about it. That is what I use blogs/status for. I vent, I'm a woman, that needs to happen unless my friends just ENJOY getting beat over the head with my emotions the moment I feel them. Like I said, I had forgotten about writing that, to be honest. I felt better and could focus on other things. By the end of the day, I had a message from Jane. The message read "Don't worry, you weren't invited [to the pity party] anyway. And while you're at it, why don't you go back to Carson-Newman and find your braincells. This is over - adios." (To explain: Carson-Newman is where I went to school my freshman year of college.)
And so the opportunity arises. Jane, being so sensitive, took my status seriously. Now was my chance to really tell her how I felt. I wrote her back, told her she was pretty much right, let's step back, reevaluate, and pray about where God would take us next. I communicated with her that I was going to take this seriously, I expected her to do the same. I told her I would always love her and always pray for her, we would just be casual friends. She responded and was surprised, I think. I don't think she was ready for me not to bend over backwards with apologies.
The more I prayed about it, the more I talked about this whole thing with Cody, the more I feel like the Lord led me to this place for a reason. Jane is free to let go. She is not dependant on me for her identity, in whatever way our relationship was crippling my walk with God that reason no longer exists, and I think both of us are better now because of it. I do not plan on mending that relationship, because I feel that we were divinely separated; that this is what God wants for our lives.
If you're reading: I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry if I seemed cold. Those days of laying on my bed talking about everything and anything weren't wasted, I promise. Those tea parties with Hannah meant the world to me. Your kindness and concern were greatly appreciated when Gramma died. I really did love those cucumber sandwiches, I love your grandparents, I still love your parents and will always think of them as my "other mom and dad". I miss the companionship we had. I knew that you were a staple in my life. You were always beside me. Thank you for 15 years of friendship. I pray the best for you and I hope your life takes you to a beautiful place. I know you'll be okay, even if it takes time.
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