When we last left our hero she was explaining what it's like to be friends with a "taker"........
This wasn't just any kind of "take". This was little things that amounted to draining of compassion and sympathy and eventually the need for healing in my own heart. For a long time I heard the expression "equally yoked". That means that, essentially, relationships are to be made with people that are on the same plane as you. Picture this: you're standing on a table. How hard would it be to pull someone up onto the table with you? How much easier would it be for them to pull you down off the table? The one on the table symbolizes me - stable emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. The one on the ground is Jane. She may have been stable in some ways, but we were most definately not on the same level. I tried my best to pull her up to me. I gave all I had and then some. After a 15 years of trying, pulling, trying my best with God's help to stabilize, I was pressed upon to let go.
It all started when Jane heard about this guy she knew that was getting married. This wasn't like in "When Harry Met Sally..." when Sally's ex didn't want to get married and now three months after ending their six-year relationship is marrying some random paralegal named Kimberly. This was, she and this guy went to the movies once (and that was IT) and now he's engaged. Big deal, right? Apparently. She IMed asked if she should wear her red dress to his wedding "if [she goes] at all". I said, "Sure, why not? Why wouldn't you want to go?" "I don't think I would be comfortable." Being the logical one, I replied, "Well I think you should go. I mean he was your friend. I would think he'd want to know you supported him." And then the paragraphs of telling-offage ensued. "Apparently you just don't get how much this hurts! I've already talked to Brooke about it, and she really helped me. You're not helping at all!!!" After which she immediately blocked me, so that she appeared to be offline. I knew better and that was fine that she blocked me, maybe she needed space, but the more I thought about it the madder I got.
Remember in the "Introduction" blog - I told you about my two best friends? I was talking to one of them, Cody, about all these problems I was having with trying to deal with Jane and her issues. The fact was, I know I am supposed to be all things to all people, but she could never be happy for me, she never talked about spiritual things with me (in fact she rolled her eyes at the very mention of God, especially when she was depressed), and I didn't know how much of it I could handle. At the moment, she was living in Knoxville, not working at the place that hired her because she "had" to be home on the weekends, and studying to do something with her life that she isn't suited for at all. Cody just looked at me and said, "You know, you're always telling me that I encourage you, and you're challenged by me spiritually. I mean, not to 'toot my own horn', but maybe it's time to reevaluate what you need in a friend. Maybe this would be what's best for Jane. Just pray about it..." Those words were like an arrow that ran straight through my completely drained and damaged heart. Suddenly I realized he was right, it was like a lightbulb lit in my brain - perhaps in my heart as well. But before I make any change in my life, I pray. I knew that Jane needed someone to stabilize her. I knew that I would feel guilty for a long time if I ended this relationship. But I also knew that I needed to be around people that I felt loved me and more importantly would let me love them in return.
I prayed for days on end about what to do. Finally I made up my mind. It was time to end this.
To be continued....
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